


Friendly Fire

by Jackkel Dragon (jackkel_dragon)



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-12
Updated: 2011-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:12:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackkel_dragon/pseuds/Jackkel%20Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric thought he was doing Blondie a favor by dealing with the thugs harrassing his clinic. But then Daisy had to go and ruin his new boots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friendly Fire

No shit, there I was, walking into the Undercity carrying a heavy coinpurse to bribe some upstart Carta thugs. Daisy and I had noticed that some of the refugees Blondie healed ended up being killed and tossed into the sewers by the Carta to discourage them from seeking aid, and we decided to deal with them. Normally I might have asked Hawke to be my backup, but she apparently thought escorting a Qunari mage into the Vimmarks for a chantry sister was more important than helping her friends. Naturally, Daisy was more inclined to help a fellow mage.

We passed through Darktown without much incident, and tailed a refugee leaving Blondie's clinic to the trap set up for him. Unfortunately for the thugs, it was going to be their last day in business.

Daisy hid in the shadows while I strode forward and addressed the idiots as they drew their weapons on the refugee. I said, "You thugs remind me of the stories my brother tells me of Orzammar: you stink like nug shit and can't see farther than a foot in front of your face."

The thugs didn't like that. One of them pointed some rusty sword he likely looted from the last group they robbed and killed and yelled at me "Stay out of this, it's none of your affair!"

I waved the coin purse at the gang and grabbed the quivering refugee by the arm, telling them "You're messing with someone who happens to have been helped by the family who's going on the expedition that my partner is financing for my brother, who needed me to find the guy who helped this man so that we could figure out what to do with the money of my associate, who recruited the guy who you're messing with."

You should have seen the look on their faces when they tried to figure out what I said. I gave the refugee a shove back to where he had come from, and he ran like an archdemon was after him. I twirled the coin purse for good measure, waiting for the thugs to make their move. "So, how about five sovereigns for some peace and quiet for a few months?" I asked them.

One of the thugs growled at me like a dog and muttered something about crossing them for the last time. I can't say I didn't screw with them more than once, all these Carta thugs coming in from Orzammar look the same after a while. I dropped the coin purse into my coat and grabbed Bianca from my back. I loaded a bolt and shot a thug between the eyes before they even realized I was armed.

The next few moments were pretty hectic. I think I may have scratched Biana--sorry, baby--by punching one of the thugs in the face with her. Daisy jumped out of the shadows and shot a magic bolt into the chest of one of the thugs, which made quite the mess. I'm still finding wierd-looking objects in my old boots thanks to her. But that wasn't the worst of it.

Daisy and I are a pretty good team, we managed to wipe out most the of thugs, maybe a dozen in total, and the Carta never got close to us, aside from that one Bianca punched. But suddenly, this nug-humping idiot jumps from a hole in the wall and lands right next to Daisy. She freaks out and tosses a fireball at the guy, setting the three of us--the thug, Daisy and I--on fire. I don't pity the thug, but do you know how long it takes to grow decent chest hair, and how much these coats cost? I tossed Bianca aside to keep her safe from the flames, and remembered Bartrand saying something about dropping to the ground and rolling to put out a fire. Before I had dismissed it as rolling in nug droppings, but I was desperate.

Down I went, and I rolled back and forth so violently, I tripped one of the remaining thugs. I set him on fire, and he went and ran in circles instead of dropping. Well, until he died of couse. I took a few deep breaths after the fire started to die out, and punched a thug that tried to get the drop on me. I grabbed Bianca off the ground and put a bolt in each of the last few thugs before turning back to Daisy.

To her credit, Daisy masked her recent episode rather well. I still couldn't take her seriously with her half-singed blouse threatening to fall off and her chainmail vest covered in some sort of magical frost, but I digress.

I asked her "What in Andraste's name was that about?"

Daisy frowned at me for a minute before she mumbled. "It was an accident. Sorry."

I told her "The next time you singe my chest hair or scratch Bianca, don't be surprised to find the templars knocking on your door."

That choice of words was apparently a mistake after a life-or-death struggle, and it took some convincing before Daisy understood I was joking. On our way back to the clinic, she offered to pay for some new boots. I noticed then that my boots were covered in gore and charred down to the soles.

"Don't worry about it, Daisy" I quiped as I calculated how much coin I'd need to buy new boots. "Just try to keep the "friendly fire" to a minimum from now on."

**Author's Note:**

> For those wondering why I changed this from the original version (formerly on FF.net), it occured to me after reading one of the reviews there that the way I wrote "Sunshine" (Bethany) actually sounded more like Merrill (or "Daisy"). Because of the similarity of outfits and the lack of references to being Hawke's sibling, I decided to replace Bethany with Merrill.


End file.
